On Marriage

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1). PLEASING GOD

Do you know that the strength of every marriage is tied to pleasing God? When it comes to building and maintaining a Christian marriage and family as most of us want, our focus should actually be on pleasing God more than pleasing ourselves. Why? Because God is actually the most important personality in every marriage. My Bible tells me that a man can keep building but God is the Builder of all things (Hebrews 3:4). So every married couple should strive to please God, rather than please each other. As time goes by and people grow, human needs and expectations change, so we will not remain the same as we grow.

Seeking to please each other can lead to confusion, assumptions and frustration. When you really focus on God, He will show you what to do in order to get things right and He will also show you where you get things wrong and how to make the necessary changes in order to get things right. This requires total humility and submission to God in everything. Focusing on pleasing Him also helps your spiritual growth as an individual.

Remember that it is God that knows the innermost part of any human being (Psalm 139:13-14). He is the One who can soften any hardened heart, and He is the One who can give you what it takes to fully understand your spouse and adjust yourself to them accordingly; that is the only way to have a fulfilling life and relationship. 

Marriage is a spiritual house and it cannot be built and maintained in the energy of the flesh.

2). MARRIAGE IS BUILT ON TRUST:

One of the worst things any man or woman can do is to betray the trust that their spouse has in them.  A major platform upon which any marriage thrives is TRUST in fact, marriage is trust. 

We trust that person enough to say that we want to spend the rest of our lives with him/her; marriage all begins with the trust that we have for that person.  That is what makes us confident in the lifelong journey we embark on. I always like to say that a marriage without trust is a marriage that is doomed.

Trust is so vital that when it is broken, it has the power to tear a home apart for good, except for the help of God. When trust is violated, everything about the one who has been hurt is damaged. That is why we must not be careless about the trust we share in our marriages.

A few important points to note about trust are that:

1. It is a growing force – It is built over time. The trust you have for your spouse grew from the day you met, and is expected to keep growing, even in the marriage. As higher dimension of challenges may come in the marriage, you must be able to trust that your spouse will stand by you.

2. Trust means protection and you must protect that trust with all that you are – It means that despite the shortcomings and weaknesses of your spouse, he/she will protect you and keep private matters, private. It means that whatever mistakes you may have made, remain with him/her and vice versa.

It also means that you will not be found using any information you have to attack each other.  There are things that you know about your spouse or things that they tell you that must of necessity, remain in your heart.

3. Trust is a major ingredient for the marriage to thrive. 

4. Trust is built on proofs – It must be proven. It is based on dependable and predictable behaviour. It is being able to rely on a person and on their character that they have proven over time.  Your “Yes” must be “Yes” and your “No”, “No”. You must be where you say you will be, and you must be found doing what you said you will do. You must prove yourself trustworthy.

5. Trust is restored or enhanced by measurable change or growth – If you have broken the trust for any reason, there must be a change for the trust to be restored. If your spouse does not see change, it becomes difficult for that trust to be restored. Your spouse must be able to see that you are doing your best to ‘right the wrongs’ you may have caused. It must be evident that you are taking steps to rebuild the trust in your marriage.

Marriage is a spiritual house and it cannot flourish in the energy of the flesh.  Therefore, rely on God’s Spirit to revive your testimony (Zechariah 4:8). Go through the Word of God, and seek godly counsel if necessary, and God will take your marriage and family back to His intentions, from the beginning.

Trust can only be restored or enhanced, when you confess your sins and accept Jesus as your Lord and Saviour. That way, you will be saved. If you are ready to be saved, please say this prayer: “Lord Jesus, I come to You today. I am a sinner. I can’t help myself. Forgive me of my sins. From today, I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Thank You Jesus for saving me. Now, I know I am born-again.

4). A VIRTUOUS WOMAN

I count it a great privilege to share the Word of God with you, which will turn your life into a wonder. I hope you enjoyed last month’s teaching?  Today is another great time. This month, we shall be looking at more qualities of a Virtuous woman. Today, I will give you another fantastic quality of a virtuous woman – A Woman that fears the Lord.

What makes a virtuous woman complete? Her crown is that she “fears the Lord”. The Word of God says: Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates (Proverbs 31:30, 31). Proverbs 1:7 says: The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction. Psalms 19:9: The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring for ever: the judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether. Proverbs 10.27 says: The fear of the Lord prolongeth days.

In order to study “a woman that feareth the Lord”, we must first understand what it means to fear God. What is “the fear of God”? Charles Bridges gives us this definition: “It is that affectionate reverence by which the child of God bends himself humbly and carefully to his Father’s law. His wrath is so bitter, and His love so sweet. That, hence, springs an earnest desire to please Him.” Webster’s dictionary defines fear as: A holy awe or reverence of God and His laws, which springs from a just view and real love of the divine character, leading the subjects of it to hate and shun every thing that can offend such a holy being, and inclining them to aim at perfect obedience.

I want to ask you this question:  As a woman, do you really fear the Lord? If you fear the Lord, it will show in your action, words and deeds. It will show in the way you worship God, the way you relate with your husband, children and every member of your family. Can your husband really say: “Oh!  my wife, really fears God”. If you are a woman that fears the Lord, it will reflect in the way you train your children.

One of the qualities of a virtuous woman described in Proverbs 31, is the ability to train her children aright. God expects that every remembrance of you by your children should be for good.  They should someday rise up, and without being compelled to, call you blessed.  The Word of God says: Her children arise up and call her blessed: her husband also, and he praiseth her (Proverbs 31:28).

A virtuous woman will always know that her children have been given to her as a gift from God (Psalms 127:3).  God has entrusted the lives of the children into your hands, giving you the privilege to steer them towards their destinies in life.  In essence, you have the privilege to be a caretaker to your children.  The Word of God says: Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it(Proverbs 22:6).

From the above scripture, it is observed that every child has the way he should go, and it is the responsibility of the parents to put him on the right track. As a woman, you are closer to your children than anyone else. It is, therefore, necessary for you as a woman to observe your children to know what they do best, where their strengths lie, what their weaknesses are and help them discover the right vocation to pursue.  

5). A HAPPY HOME IS POSSIBLE:

As we all know, we are in a festive mood and it is important for us to look at the things that make for a happy home. Home and family life is an exciting experience; it is not a necessary evil. God delights in it.  It is meant to be one of the most exciting parts of your life, as a child of God. But know that excitement or happiness doesn’t fall on you because you are a Christian. No! You program yourself for it. You create it!

This segment, I want us to see how to get the best of times in our family life. The Bible says: The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a wounded spirit who can bear? (Proverbs 18:14). It is joy on the inside that brings out the best in a man. Happiness in your home will bring out the best in your wife, husband and children alike. A sorrowful heart is dangerous. Nothing good comes the way of the dejected. God’s Word says:A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones (Proverbs 17:22).

Happiness is a state of enjoyment, showing satisfaction or joy. It is also marked by pleasure. When you are happy, in most cases, your disposition is characterized by laughter. Joy surges out from within you; you laugh. Laughing is a feeling of triumphant or exultant sense of well-being. When you are genuinely happy, no one needs to ask you. You just flow in it, and it shows.

When there is no happiness in a home, the family members are prone to all sorts of sicknesses and diseases. Stay happy and make every member of your family happy, thereby staying away from hospital bills, or spending your money and resources on drugs, and medical bills. God’s Word says: Wisdom is profitable to direct. My family members and I will rather choose to stay happy and be drug-free.

             This season of celebration, let the high praises of God flow out of your heart and mouth at all times. Listen to the Word of God, put on Christian music, sing praises to God and make your home a praise centre. Remember, depression is the visa for oppression. Stop protesting; start progressing. Create happiness around you. Don’t wait for it; work it out. God does fearful things in praises (Exodus 15:11; Psalms 22:3). Let your home be a habitation of God Almighty. Remember, praise is a spiritual wood! Keep your family in the Spirit of praise and the earth shall continually yield her increase to you.

We just have few days to Christmas and you may be wondering about what your family will eat and wear. The Lord says you should not think about them. Refuse to be anxious. When anxiety knocks on the door of your heart, speak the Word of God that is relevant to that situation. God’s Word has an answer for us, on how we should behave when anxiety sets in. Matthew 6:31-32 says: Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?  (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.

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